Things I said I would never do as a parent that I have now taken back completely

I will never I repeat never have a house full of trucks. I said this when I found out I was having a boy. Ha! Thirteen months in, and you have no idea. I've got singing ones, woo-woo-wooing ones. Wooden ones and metal ones. I could write a children's book about trucks, if there was any corner of the truck-book market left and if my shelves weren't full of them. But, I have benefited. I know what a skid steer is now. I'm like smart and stuff.

I will never have a house full of plastic toys. I can hear you laughing. Don't think I can't. Know what I've learned? Pigs are bigger than dinosaurs and cars. Duh.


I will never put my baby in one of those infantilizing winter hats. See, I did not plan on a baby that would rip his hat off at the first available opportunity/dexterity.

I won't need a high chair because my baby will sit still and eat like a grownup ALL THE TIME. Wait, is that a giggle I hear? I can't hear right what with my own hysterical sobs of laughter. Milk just came out of my nose.

I won't need a stroller because I will wear my baby until he is in fourth grade forever amen. Did not count on having a 27 pound baby at 12 months. Did this kid not get my memo? Totally have two strollers. (I do still wear him, of course. To the fridge or so before I can feel the cartilage in my hips crunching.)

While I prance around with the stroller I will never own, I will never carry a latte. Yup, that one was one of the first to go.

Nah, I don't make many statements that begin with I will never any more.