Friday, January 4, 2008

Things I said I would never do as a parent that I have now taken back completely

I will never I repeat never have a house full of trucks. I said this when I found out I was having a boy. Ha! Thirteen months in, and you have no idea. I've got singing ones, woo-woo-wooing ones. Wooden ones and metal ones. I could write a children's book about trucks, if there was any corner of the truck-book market left and if my shelves weren't full of them. But, I have benefited. I know what a skid steer is now. I'm like smart and stuff.

I will never have a house full of plastic toys. I can hear you laughing. Don't think I can't. Know what I've learned? Pigs are bigger than dinosaurs and cars. Duh.


I will never put my baby in one of those infantilizing winter hats. See, I did not plan on a baby that would rip his hat off at the first available opportunity/dexterity.

I won't need a high chair because my baby will sit still and eat like a grownup ALL THE TIME. Wait, is that a giggle I hear? I can't hear right what with my own hysterical sobs of laughter. Milk just came out of my nose.

I won't need a stroller because I will wear my baby until he is in fourth grade forever amen. Did not count on having a 27 pound baby at 12 months. Did this kid not get my memo? Totally have two strollers. (I do still wear him, of course. To the fridge or so before I can feel the cartilage in my hips crunching.)

While I prance around with the stroller I will never own, I will never carry a latte. Yup, that one was one of the first to go.

Nah, I don't make many statements that begin with I will never any more.

8 comments:

Who She She said...

Oh, I have a huge list of those (and it just keeps getting bigger). I knew SO MUCH about being a parent before I had kids. It's been a humbling experience, to say the least.

Suzanne said...

I had a similar list (mine also included "no princess crap"). It's amazing how all those iron-clad rules dissolved when tested in real-life conditions!

Melanie said...

Word.

There are no people in the world with more clearly defined parenting rules than the childless.

Mrs. G. said...

Yes, I realized one afternoon while locked in the bathroom with my two children banging on the door yelling for me to come out, that 87% of my parental expectations were going to have to be renegotiated. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would be putting MYSELF in time-out.

Mary Alice said...

Mrs. G. has a good point. I myself hid in a closet from my children once....I felt bad about it, until my husband's Aunt admitted she had climbed a tree once to hide from own five kids.

If I had a dollar for all the things I thought I would never do before I actually had the kids...well, I would have way cuter shoes!

Childlife said...

Yeah, I was going to do cloth diapers, no pacifiers and make my own babyfood. Sure... like that happened...

Mac and Cheese said...

...and I will not let my kid watch TV. Ahhhhahahahahahaha!

see you there! said...

Hey, if you actually find you stuck to some "nevers" you can always cross them off when you have Grandkids. Dessert even if you didn't eat veggies? Yep! Stay up after bedtime? Yep! Write on the desk with a perm. marker? Yep! (Grandpa treasures that spot!) What is it they say, something like being a Grandparent is the reward for having kids.

Darla (Nana in some circles)