Thursday, September 11, 2008

The world according to my barista

So I'm waiting in line for coffee from my favorite barista. Remember him? And behind me in line is a pregnant lady who I sort of know from yoga class. She's 38 weeks or so. Remembering how every second counted when I was that pregnant--because seriously, there is no such thing as a little bit pregnant but believeyoume there is such a thing as a LOT pregnant if you catch my drift--I gave her my place in line, figuring maybe she could get back to reclining at her desk those few seconds sooner.

She's all, no I'm fine, you go ahead. And I'm all no! Please! I finally pushed her up to the counter and both our drinks were sitting there because he's magic like that and that's why I put up with all the backhanded compliments and how his brother's dissertation was harder than mine and WHATEVER. And yes she was having coffee and don't even get me started about how coffee is totally fine during pregnancy because it IS.

So. So. The barista is all rolling his eyes like, I'm about to settle this whole thing. And me and pregnant lady are all, chivalry is not dead, ha ha. And he's all--you KNOW he's going to come out with something, right?--NO! Chivalry belongs to men! Women cannot be chivalrous!

Thanks to the barista for the yummilicious coffee, for gallantly making the pregnant lady's coffee even though she wasn't first in line, and yet another blog post idea--keep 'em coming! I ask you--can women be chivalrous? Well of course they can, but when they are, is it CALLED chivalry? If not, what is it called? What should it be called? And is there something different about woman-to-woman chivalry compared to woman-to-man chivalry?

I read on the internet--so you know it must be true--that some people think that the female form of "gentleman" is "lady" so a woman acting in this way would be called "ladylike." Fair enough, but I think men can be chivalrous without being gentlemen, no? (Whether they can be chivalrous without being knights is another matter entirely.) And doesn't "ladylike" conjure up images of knitting your own lace and not belching and stuff more than acts of kindness? Oh, I'm taxing my poor little brain here. What do you think?

18 comments:

JCK said...

That Barista always stirs up the pot.

Ladies have good manners. And the best of ladies are chivalrous.

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

Totally laughing over this one!

1. manners are what separates us from apes :)

2. coffee during pregnancy (okay, after the first trimester) is FINE!

3. your barista rocks!

wheelsonthebus said...

Common consideration is genderless.

Mrs. G. said...

I love it when the Barista ruffles your feathers.

Lisa Milton said...

I teach my daughter to hold the door too; it's being kind and having good manners.

I think it applies to us all.

(Although Zack gets praised more when he does it, being young and a 'gentleman'. That could lead me to a rant about women - even young women - being expected to put others first, but I won't go there today. Sun's out.)

Now I'm off to find a more compelling barista. Mine has pretty hair, but is utterly quip less.

Mac and Cheese said...

I dunno, but I'm really craving coffee now.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think I need a cup of coffee.

togetherforgood said...

I have no idea.

But my husband thanks you for the picture of Xena.

Mama Goose said...

I'm thinking that if I was a lesbian, Xena would be my gal.

I think it's very important to teach good manners and be thoughtful and polite and to praise it no matter the gender.

I need me a Barista.

Irene said...

I think I can be rude regardless of my gender depending on my mood on any particular day. I don't want people to feel too helpless and be able to open their own doors and get their own coffee. Chivalry is overrated. My first husband was chivalrous, it had no meaning at all.

MamaBird said...

This post made my day for any # of reasons, first and foremost being how much you rock.

"Women are completely capable of following the codes concerning knightly virtues, honor, and loyalty to God and country; as for the courtly love, they can show the same courtesy to men in their own way. The root is respect, admiration, gratitude, and a sense of generosity, as long as the act shows these qualities, it is chivalry. To say a woman cannot be chivalrous is to fall prey to the sexist stereotypes, and convey the implication that women are weaker than men and unable to hold themselves to a higher standard as is a male."

http://www.chivalrytoday.com/Essays/Becker/Becker-Sheena-1.html

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Excellent post and question. So, of course, I went straight for Wikipedia, which says that chivalry is thought of as how men act toward women. Okay. But I say that the act behind the word chivalry transcends gender, and, IMHO, really women (the kind who know the woman code, as Mrs. G. calls it, chicks before d!ck$ as Jenn calls it) treat each other with honor, respect, compassion, and love. We don't compete with each other, no antler-breaking fights, we seek to support and uplift each other. Woman chivalry goes by names like sistuh, Ya-Ya, and girlfriend. And just so you know that I went beyond Wikipedia, there is a 2002 UCLA study about women friendships that suggests that our relationships with each other reduce stress and lead to longer lives. So? Chivalry in the form of chick love leads to better and longer living. Well, you asked what we think. Anyway, again, great post.

lapoflux said...

I think they grow far more intellectual baristas in your neck of the woods. I am not sure mine can say much more than the name of my coffee.

Deep question this chivalry thing. I think it should be a unisex word.

But Mama Milton is right, males get more praise for these things.

planetnomad said...

This might be too deep for me. I tend to think that chivalry is a male thing, not to mention knightly and involving the wearing of handkerchiefs more than the opening of doors, and that women are considerate, thoughtful, and polite when they open doors and let others ahead of them. But now I sound sexist, not to mention age-ist and an anachronism in my own time. Can women be knights? I think that is the real question.

Susan said...

Good manners and consideration are a rare find in either sex these days. Many able-bodied men and women will not give up their subway seats to the elderly, infirm, or expectant mothers, no matter how they may be struggling to hold on in the crunch.

Thanks, BTW, for your recent comment on my funnel cake post. Kutztown was a lot of fun. I'd like to go back one day, perhaps next summer.

Vanessa said...

Of course ladies can be chivalrous! Your barista knows how to give just enough thought provoking to keep everyone coming back. Are you sure he's not a psychology major?

jen @ J&J Acres said...

I agree that ladies can be chivalrous. Maybe your barista should write a book with all his wisdoms!! :)

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