I just finished reading the first Twilight book. Me not being the target demographic and all, it would likely be my only foray into this series but the glorious woman who lent it to me lent me the first three books, so I reserve the right to read the second one just out of inertia. Either way I'm proud of myself because I figure it's good for me to know what THE YOUNG PEOPLE are reading these days. You know, when Hugo's girlfriends start begging him to turn them into someone JUST LIKE HIM so they can be together and he can SAVE THEM because they smell good.
After book one, I'm left with a burning question. Why have vampires not taken over the earth? Think about it: they live forever. They are extremely difficult to kill. They create new vampires by eating people. They have been around since forever. But wait, you say! Maybe they don't eat that much. But even if they all ate just once a month, that's 12 new vamps a year, and each of the new vamps they create by eating needs to eat, and then each of the new ones they create by eating needs to eat. See where I'm going with this? It's, like, exponential.
So what's with the vampire population, yo? (I'm all down with the parlance of the young, you see? The very cool-looking lady who took care of us at Fred Meyer--solely the land of the married driving breeders as near as I can tell, no hip urban half-chicken buyers here pedestrian-ing in on their way home from edgy jobs on the way out to clubs, nosiree bob--H and I told her about the THREE GARBAGE TRUCKS in the parking lot, and she said, oh snap. I swear it was the first time I ever heard anybody actually say that out loud. Snap).
But I digress. I'll totally buy the plot twist, whatever it is. Like on this exchange from Thank You For Smoking. (Jeff Megall played by Rob Lowe).
Jeff Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Nick Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Jeff Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Nick Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Jeff Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the... you know, whatever device.'
Or like in Doctor Who, when he says that all the aliens speak English, not because they speak English but because they all have a language decoder thingy so everyone hears the dialogue in their own language. I buy that. It doesn't take much. I'm practically BEGGING to be told a tale so I can escape.
What's the plot deal to get around this vampire issue? Any ideas? Or do you know? Because I should be a vampire by now, according to my calculations. (And since I have a PhD I can now say things like back of the envelope and re-SEARCH and let's wait to see what the data show--not shows--us with a straight face).
And did I mention that she wrote those books with young kids at home? Holy crap, I'm impressed. Seriously.