So we went to the Seattle Aquarium this weekend, and it was great. It was. Hugo got to touch the starfish, and see big tanks of fish. Pretty darn exciting. Otters? Seals? All there. It's really impressive. I thought the octopus was pretty cool, its beady little eye staring straight into my soul and all. Hugo didn't care much because by the time we got to it he was OBSESSED with the plastic (plaster? steel?) shark sculpture hanging from the ceiling in the hall. No live animal of any sort could measure up to that thing. Except maybe a REAL SHARK. To be clear, on that day this plastic shark was the only shark around. There were a few babies in the big tank but he couldn't tell them from the other fish.
So I left there thinking that the Seattle Aquarium, to keep its toddler male constituency entertained, should tone down the EDUCATION and CONSERVATION messages and just get a shark already. And it's not like we don't have large predatory ocean dwellers in the Pacific Northwest, right? We have the orcas! They should get one of those! Local! (I realize there is a chance the aquarium staff thought of this, them being professionals and all. But the orca display was conspicuously lacking in, well, orcas. Think of the toddler males, people. They don't read the educational conservational stuff.)
But I digress. I have been crafting in my head the whole weekend a witty, oh such a witty post about how there are NO SHARKS at the *&%% aquarium and ha ha ha they should get a shark. An ANCHOR animal like Nordstrom at the mall (aren't I FUNNY?) . Or like the pandas at The National Zoo.
Meanwhile it's oozing into my head, quite possibly from my CONSCIENCE, that if I wrote all this out loud the world (and by the world I mean both of you, readers) will know that I am a bad person who wants to disrupt our ecosystem and turn the beautiful free animals into spectator sports all for the sake of her toddler. I might as well be moose-hunting (say) or elbowing any unfortunate souls in the ribs on my way to get to the Tickle Me Elmo display at Christmas time.
And that's right, I am sort of that person. Now you know. Except I'm not REALLY, because if I wrote all that it would be all tongue-in-cheek-like and a way to tell you how we are actually idiots because we paid to show Hugo the fish and he just wanted the plastic hanging shark and maybe it's a little too soon for the live fish and I could have $15 and five hours of my life back. And that's not even counting the $10 plastic TOY shark that we needed to buy for our budding genius, that he snuggles and calls "baby" (the big daddy shark was hanging from the ceiling, see). So by saying "they should get a shark" it was going to be all IRONIC and full of evidence why the aquarium should not listen to me at all.
But then I googled to find a photo of that darn hanging shark sculpture thing to put in the post and it turns out that the octopus at the aquarium ATE ALL THE SHARKS. Holy crap! No wonder it was by itself in its own tank this weekend. I knew those beady eyes were up to something. (And seriously, if those octupuses ever figure out how to live past their own reproductive cycles we better watch out.)
Here is the octopus eating the shark (sentences I never thought I would write)--