In which she thinks research will save the day but ends up being stuck with her own instincts anway

I'm researching the benefits of day care. I really need a reason to think what I'm doing is a good thing.

There is the thing about stay at home moms having the dream job.

Here is one conclusion from the British Medical Journal:

"Studies on disadvantaged populations in the US show that out of home daycare before the age of 5 years benefits children's intelligence quotients, school performance, and behaviour. Long term benefits include higher socioeconomic status, fewer births outside marriage, and decreased criminal behaviour. Benefits for mothers include positive effects on employment, fertility, and interaction with children."

But, see, I'm not a disadvantaged population. I'm ridiculously advantaged, for better for worse, certainly overeducated.

When this daycare spot came open, it was like gold. There are two year waiting lists for most of the child care centers in Seattle, so it was take it or leave it. And everyone, EVERYONE, encouraged us to take it. We were lucky to get it! A great opportunity! And obviously I'm a proponent of day care, conceptually, or I wouldn't have put myself on the waiting list. All this business about socialization and convenience and reliable care, they said. A babysitter can break her leg or quit, and you have to deal with their schedule.

And on the subject of my difficulties "adjusting" to leaving him there, the counsel I'm getting is that "it will get better" and "give it time" and such. I will have to "let him go" sometime. But you know, I could adjust to illness, or war, or even widowed, heaven forbid. The human spirit is amazing, but our ability to adjust doesn't always mean we should. And I've had no problem "letting him go" to be with our wonderful babysitter, or with my mom. Bunch of crap, this letting him go stuff, if you ask me. He's eight months old for heavens sake.