I read this article today by Lori Gottlieb, and I'm wondering what yall think of it. It's been stuck in my head all day. The gist of it is this quote, but of course it is better to read the whole thing:
My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)
I wonder. I got married when I was 30 and it sure felt like he was The One, which I interpreted to be so largely because he was the first person I ever wanted to have babies with. I can't deny that I had gotten "old" enough to face that I might be alone forever (honestly, the prospect was not that bad, after the initial anxiety passed) and might not have children (this was worse, but still okay). I loved some things about being single, but it sure was a club that anyone dropped out of as soon as they got the chance, and I didn't love that about it.
She's right I guess. We could approach marriage like the creation of a small corporation that provides "infrastructure" for family. We could have our parents or churches arrange it for us. And (she doesn't say this) look for passion outside the marriage or channel it into our children or work. But more of us would have babies, yall. Babies. It's what we all really want, anyway. (!)
I don't have anything intelligent to say about this, except that I feel very sad for all of us. Not lucky or superior that my situation is on the greener side of her fence. Just really? Is this really how it is?
If yall have any thoughts, you just think them out loud here. I'll go put the kettle on.