Tonight I hold my baby in my arms, fearing my body heat will make his fever higher. I let him nurse for hours because it is the only thing that calms him. I know that I will probably catch what he has, and it doesn't matter. I know I will be up in the night with him again tonight, and it doesn't matter. I make him sippy cups of chamomile tea and finally exhale when he drinks. I say prayers of thanks for the pharmaceutical industry that has produced safe, over the counter fever reducers. I wonder how any mother in generations past, and still now in many places, ever survived knowing that each fever might put her child's life in danger, not just his comfort. Tonight my baby needs his mama, and that mama is me.
Oh my heavens, it's me.