To be fair, he bought us coffee. And we bought his product (just so you know how it ends). And he didn't wear a short sleeve oxford shirt or try to scare us with stories of orphanages or anything. Overall, he was nice. A bit young, though. Like 12.
He's all, Nora. if Jeff died today, it would cost approximately $700 bajillion to maintain your current quality of life. You can see I've graphed it here for you, the red line. Or, you could go with $600 bajillion and still have a pretty good quality of life. That's the blue line.
And then he's all, Jeff. if Nora died today YOU WOULD BE FINE FINANCIALLY. JUST FINE. But we do recommend approximately $2 in coverage so you can pay her funeral expenses without having to tap too much into your piles of cash. I've graphed that here as the yellow line to show how YOU WOULD BE JUST FINE. But you can get a little something, you know, if you want. Totally optional.
First I'm all, ok. A little high from the strange comfort of being in the presence of men who have gathered to look earnestly after my welfare. I've been a student for awhile. My job hasn't started yet. I take care of our precious baby. Then I'm all, WAIT! Jeff would be SO not able to maintain his current quality of life if I died today. And I'm not even talking about crippling grief.
Mothers would cost $134,000 a year if fathers had to pay them. I say this. And Jeff looks at me, I think he feels my eyebrows twitching. And he's all, I assume I would have to pay someone more than we pay now to take care of Hugo if you died. And I'm all ha! And the housekeeping! And the shopping! And the cleaning! Ha! Ha! Full time nanny/housekeepers cost a lot of money, you know. And you have to pay them benefits too. Put that on your yellow line, insurance man.
(I perchance overestimate my value as a housecleaner here. Whatever it is it's higher than Jeff's.)
And then I raise my eyebrow at him. A meaningless gesture on my part that carries no clout whatsoever. I'm so not one of those women who causes anything to happen, or anyone to cower, by raising an eyebrow. Where is Catherine Zeta-Jones when you need her? But I did it anyway. And I'm all, you might want to remember this conversation with your future clients, and not tell them their spouse would be just fine if they died. I think I said it out loud, anyway. I was kind of drugged by all the male protectiveness and I sort of wanted to bake them a pie.
And the insurance man is all, good point, Nora. I didn't think of that. So yes, Jeff, you could use your $2 upon Nora's death to pay a nanny. Or something. He doesn't suggest upping it to $3. But he does look a little bit contrite. Or maybe that's his job.
So I spend the rest of the meeting overcompensating for my worthlessness by over-professionalizing myself and mentioning how pretty soon I'm going to be earning my own money and I can always get another policy then and oh I'll need to see the list of things you test for with the blood sample because I'm an expert in genetic testing and other drivel.