Monday, October 20, 2008

The bad wife chronicles

I could start the list of things that I swore I would never do as a married person. It would be a long list. The funniest is possibly Jeff and I, young and in love, gazing deep into each others' eyes and pledging to share all household responsibilities (including income) 50/50. Right down the middle.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And then I found out that he didn't have to do chores as a child. Uh oh. So off he trundled to work.

Or how I would never pee in front of him, you know, to keep things fresh and mysterious. As my new hero Betty Draper says, if he keeps looking at me like that I feel like I'm earning my keep.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And how I swore I would never go through his stuff and get rid of it without asking him. Because I RESPECT him. I would never DO that. They are HIS things. Besides, it is irrelevant anyway because we will be sharing everything 50/50 so he will periodically go through his own stuff and flag things for the Goodwill bag OF HIS OWN ACCORD. The bag that we will carry, jointly, to the car, because you know we SHARE things. Everything.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Because there are two garbage bags of Jeff's "things" for the Goodwill in the trunk of my car right now, not a single one vetted by him. And I'm pretty certain he won't miss a single one, since they are all either unworn gifts or clothes he hasn't touched in at least a year. I have reached a new low. I'm not saying I regret it, but how much lower than my own principles can I go? It's a slippery slope, I tell you. A slippery slope.

16 comments:

sarah bean said...

Ahh, cruel reality, it gets us all in the end ;)
So, your husband doesn't read your blog then huh?

BZ said...

So I am just getting the chance now to catch up on your posts since I am not getting much sleep these days. And I have to say that I am totally feeling sorry for myself that I am not part of this witty blogosphere or facebook network. Sigh. I feel so old! Love the posts though! (ps this is HR not BZ btw)

planetnomad said...

Oh the list is long and the slope pretty darn steep. And slippery.

And I hope he doesn't read your blog ;) Or that he holds his stuff lightly, with an open hand, as it were.

Lisa Milton said...

We bad wives have to stick together.

Rebekah said...

Wait? Cleaning out the closets make you a BAD wife? FIE! You deserve foot rubs or something for doing all that HARD WORK on his behalf! Clean closet-maker wife=GOOD! GOOOOOOOD!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Reality meets Fantasy and kicks its butt.

Mama Goose said...

I need to find a way to get mine out of the house for a day so I can do the same. I may have to leave the bags in the trunk for a while until I'm certain he won't miss anything. Slippery slope indeed.

justhay said...

Lol! Ah...how much we change. I have a similar list of things I thought I'd never do as a parent. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Mama Nomad said...

Ha!

Was that whole "sharing household chores" written into your wedding vows?? Maybe we should warn other soon-to-be married women....

Grounded Girl said...

Nooooo.... say it ain't so! I've been single so long now that I forget what it's like to lay oneself bare (as it were). On the whole, however, I'd have to say that a subtle closet purge of his stuff hardly ranks in the list of Things That Destroy The Beautiful Mystery. Peeing in front of one another? Definitely a bigger offense. (Also-- WOOHOOO Betty Draper! So glad you're loving the Mad Women!)

Mrs. G. said...

Somewhere, Mr. G. is crying over this post, wondering how women can be so cruel.

JCK said...

Bless you for being honest. At least with us! HAHAHAHA :)

Misty said...

I've done this same thing... wahhh ha ha...

togetherforgood said...

Your secret is safe with me. I swear.

Mary Alice said...

No, I think because he respects YOU, you are able to make the decisions to help him clear out things you both know he doesn't need. It takes real mutual respect and knowledge of each other to be able to clean out things for our partner.

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