Step away from the spoon (Or, some gratuitous photos of bubba)

Bubba has his first attachment to an object. Not a blanket or a teddy bear...no...a wooden spoon. Not a wooden spoon that was a Christmas gift from the Wooden Spoon Toy Company picked out by his loving mother Spare No Expense...no...a cruddy old spoon that I don't even know where it came from. That I wouldn't even cook with.

Kind of charming, eh? I swear none of these photos were posed. He has been clutching it for days, and pity the fool who tries to take it away from him.

Here is the precious thing itself (aren't you jealous he found it first?). Shouldn't be too hard to spot as we go about our daily activities:


Hanging out with dad:

Don't touch my spoon, lady.

Eating:

(Note that b does not know how to use spoon to eat)

On a walk:


Playing:


On the changing table:

And because the internet really needs a photo of my b##bies, he won't even let go of the spoon for the Amazing Nursing Adventure, aka The Best Thing Ever:


(Why yes, I took this photo myself. Since you asked.)

And of course:

I'm so not as cool as Queen Elizabeth

Sigh. I am a shameless royal watcher. Love them all. Love Britain because of them. Envy Britain because they have them. Love their crazy antics and watching them all figure out how to be celebrities and regular folks all at once and still make time for all that pomp and charity.

I was eight when Prince Charles married Lady Diana. Talk about eight-year-old girl crack--I have been hooked ever since. I didn't get to watch it live like the REST OF THE UNIVERSE because of my parents and their "we don't own a TV" shenanigans. Didn't mind most of the time, but seriously? The Royal Wedding? Come on.

I have stood by them through thick and thin. I had crushes on Charles and Andrew. I turned a blind eye to Charles's antics turned true true love with Camilla and rooted for Diana out there in the mine fields. Now I have crushes on William and Harry. It's like my DUTY as a bajillionth generation loyal subject whose ancestors rebelled against the tyranny of theirs. (Me? Totally not a rebel or a pioneer, reason #786 why I don't deserve to live in Seattle. I would totally have stayed in England and had a cuppa tea humming God Save the King, much less come to Plymouth Rock and such. If I had, never would have made it from there out west. Total pansy.) And they are all led by their stalwart and lovely matriarch, the lady who married for love and serves the kingdom tirelessly. Dude, and she had four kids while ruling said kingdom. Queen Elizabeth.

Love her. As if it couldn't get any better, this year she did her Christmas address on YouTube. She totally rocks. Love her more now.


The only thing I have ever collected, besides stickers--Royal Family memorabilia. I have postcards, collectors magazines, spoons. I may just schlep it all to Antiques Road Show one day. How cool would that be? As if I could ever part with it.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Christmas from us here in the balmy Northwest!

May your children be clean and helpful.


And grateful.


And may your neighbors give you an eggplant.


Now go back to your family fun! Shoo!

What is your hometown claim to fame?

Mine? Crayola crayons.


Bubba has recently started coloring, thanks to his father who thought that daddy-bubba coloring time was a good idea (he also thinks crawling and walking are good ideas...whatever. He seems intent on facilitating the disappearance of my eight-pound baby). And so Jeff comes bouncing home from the store with Crayola crayons. Memmmmmm...reeeeeeez...all alone in the mooooon..liiiiight....

Several of my friends worked in the Crayola factory for summer jobs. They hated getting assigned to the chalk department because of the dust. I've never been there myself but seriously. Crayola crayons. Who on this earth has not heard of Crayola crayons? It kind of makes me famous by association. I know what you're thinking...you just sort of sensed that I seemed special, different, headed for greatness, right? Now you know.

At least there were no cheap waxy knockoffs in our school, we got the real deals. It still gives me a little thrill to see "Easton, PA" on every box, though I see they have outsourced some of their manufacturing to south of the border.


If you go to my hometown you can even visit the Crayola Factory Discovery Center. Which of course they didn't build until after I moved away so I missed out on the fun. I don't have any people left in Easton except a few school friends but totally planning to take bubba there some day. Crayons!

(This may actually be marker art. But it's Crayola marker art.)

Other claims to fame? Larry Holmes, the boxer. Mike and Ike's candy. Bethlehem Steel. And Allentown, from the Billy Joel song? Right down the road (listen to the song here). Totally depressing, but we loved it, and it is still on the radio there all the time. I was in a friend's wedding in Colorado a few months ago and she had them play this first at the reception. We were all, woooooooooo! ALLENTOWN!

Now you go! (Wait! Is this a MEME?) You are prolly from somewhere way awesomer like Manhattan and famous for the Rainbow Room or something. That's cool. I can take my crayons there, order scrapple, and color on their tablecloth.

Our Kauai trip by number

Days of travel-free vacation: 13
Days it rained: 13
Days there were rainbows: 13
Days we went to the beach: 13


Naps I wanted: 13
Naps I had: 2
Naps bubba had: 26
Pretty drinks I wanted: 13
Pretty drinks I had: 10
Evenings with my man: 13
Number of banana trees outside our cottage knocked down in storm: 1


Days we had fresh island-grown fruit: 13


Coffee plantations visited: 1


Days we drank locally grown coffee: 13

Houses on our road falling into the ocean from beach erosion: 2


Stretches of our road falling into the ocean from beach erosion: 1


Days I fretted about global warming: 13

Days bubba got to be naked in the sun like the tanned Italian baby down the beach: 0


Looks from hot Italian mother of tanned Italian baby that said in international mother-mother language "you are a lame-#ss": like 4, maybe 5
Days bubba got to be naked in the shade because I am so not a lame-#ss: 13


Sets of matching daddy-bubba aloha shirts purchased: 1


Green vegetables consumed besides avocados: 0
Days totally amazing and sublime perfect Hawaiian salty sweet Asian rice snacks, snacks involving macadamia nuts, or Maui onion flavored potato chips purchased and consumed to "support the local economy": 13
Days chocolate ice cream consumed, again to support the local economy: 5


Trips to local urgent care clinic to get bubba's ear infection treated: 1

Trips up the mountain to perilous 3600 feet deep canyon that I was terrified to stand near because clearly I would fall in isn't it obvious but stood for "scale" for Jeff's pictures because I'm nice like that: 1


Minutes I spent after 30 minute drive up to canyon looking in canyon: 1

Hours they delayed our flight home before cancelling it all together: 7
Number of times we boarded the plane and "prepared for takeoff" before they cancelled it all together because of a "funny noise" in the brakes: 3
Number of hours it said on our itinerary it would take to get home: 10
Number of hours it took us to get home: 27

Total days I spent with my husband and son with no work or computers or phone calls: 15
Days I thought, this is awesome: 15

Eight brushes with fame

Hello! Back from Hawaii all rested and would be more tan if I wasn't such a loser about sun protection. Returned to a TAG! Yay! Thanks again, SheShe.

So while my brain gets back into gear here tis:

1. Totally waited on Ted Lange (aka Isaac from The Love Boat)


2. Ran into Bill Clinton in the bookstore in Reagan National airport after he left the White House. Turned into the new fiction aisle and literally ran into him and his tall broad chest. I felt safe and loved instantly. He had me at "hi there."



3. Speaking of running into people, I also ran into Ric Ocasek from The Cars on the street in Greenwich Village in Manhattan. Very tall man.



4. While ushing for my hometown's local theater I talked with George Burns for a bit and got his autograph.



5. I worked with Joshua Bell's cousin's wife for a few years. I never met him but I loved the stories of parties at his Manhattan pad and how he was booked up for three years out and such.


6. Because of random series of events that I will post about in excruciatingly painful detail should it ever come to pass, there is a fair-to-middlin' chance that I will meet Martha Stewart sometime in the next year. How AWESOME would that be? And I don't even deserve it because I am the least crafty person ever. I'll be all, what's a doily?


7. Saw Ralph Fiennes in Manhattan. Did not run into him or talk to him, but there you have it. He is yummy, as near as I can tell.


8. Michael Jordan and I share an alma mater (University of North Carolina Chapel Hill). While I was there he gave some money to open up a center there, and I snuck in to the press conference to get a look at him. At one point we were the two tallest people in the room, and he looked at me, and he WINKED. I swear he did. My feet didn't touch the floor for days.

Bubba TV

See you in a couple of weeks!