The high-minded intellectual Sunday of a new PhD

1. Had friend with Costco membership buy me baby wipes.
2. Felt guilty for consuming Costco products without a membership.
3. Remembered how I once returned a backpack I knew was full of cat pee for a full refund.
4. Became convinced will go to hell.
5. Had identity crisis that I am now a person who has strong opinions about baby wipes.
6. Had identity crisis that I'm not using "green" baby wipes.
7. Told myself, HA! There is no such thing as a green baby wipe.
   
8. Had identity crisis that my plan to use warm washcloths instead of baby wipes lasted as long as my maternity leave, not a day longer.
   
9. Took nap.
10. Gazed rapturously at baby.
    
11. Took baby swimming in Lake Washington.
12. Wondered why he didn't love it.
13. Realized maybe the three foot swells from passing speedboats and glacial water temperature may be influencing his enjoyment.
14. Pretty sure lifeguard megaphoned something in my direction about being a bad mother for taking my baby too far into the water.
15. Switched to warm, toddler-friendly wading pool.
16. Coveted some other kid's plastic firetruck water toy.
17. Had identity crisis that I am now a person who covets plastic firetrucks.
18. Figured it was better than coveting a plastic GUN.
19. Figured I could easily overpower the four year old playing with it and then it would be MINE .
    
20. Looked at potential new house (PNH) for the third time.
21. Walk from PNH to nearby "park."
22. Realized "park" near PNH is nothing more than a footbridge over a perilous ravine that is probably full of rodents.
23. Watched childless unmarried couple traversing perilous ravine.
    
24. Remembered that's often how I spent Sunday afternoons in ANOTHER LIFE.
25. Gazed rapturously at husband and baby.
26. Glanced a little longingly at childless unmarried couple.
    
27. Realized playground is way the hell over on the other side of the "park" and would have to drive to it if we lived in PNH.
28. Realized husband doesn't care in the least that would have to drive to playground.
29. Realized husband would enjoy traversing perilous ravine with me.
30. Assumed husband doesn't remember that WE HAVE A BABY.
    
31. Cooked dinner I knew husband would hate.
    
32. Figured then he might agree that it is really important to walk to a playground.
33. Feigned innocence of passive-aggression in meal planning strategy.
34. Thought "why do we all assume I'm cooking dinner all the time anyway? I have a PhD!"
35. Remembered I don't actually make very much money.
    
36. Felt guilty about #31.
37. Wondered when diploma will arrive.