Halloween paradigm shift

So this email goes around my work, from the, you know, wellness team or whatever. The same people who put up signs about taking the stairs instead of the elevator and such. It's about HALLOWEEN CANDY. And I'm going to hell because I'm going to quote it. When I have obese children with no teeth you can REMIND me of how flip I was about this, et cetera.

It’s OK to throw out unused Halloween candy.

This is actually a decent thing for me to remember.

Recognize that the closer you or your family sit to a candy bowl, the more likely you are to eat from it.

Ha, except the frequent trips I make into the kitchen to visit the stash. That's, like, EXERCISE.

If you host trick-or-treaters, consider alternatives to candy:

· Nonfood items: Stickers, balloons, whistles, finger puppets, glow sticks, rubber balls, temporary tattoos, funky looking erasers, sports cards, rubber creepy creatures, dollar-store toys

· Sugar-free gum

· Mini-boxes of raisins, pretzels, or nuts (although remember that some people are allergic to peanuts)

· Single-serve packs of cereal.

· Dried fruit or vegetable chips (make sure they have minimal fat)

· Juice boxes with no-sugar-added juice

· Small granola bars. Granola bars can be high in fat and calories, but there are many that are about 100 calories with little fat.

OK, stickers MIXED IN WITH THE CANDY might work. I actually did throw in some cheap plastic bracelets this year, and several teenagers actually took those instead of candy (lame-ohs). But cereal? And don't get me started on the granola bars. My parents did that, and I'm still not over it. OBVIOUSLY.

Before your kids go trick-or-treating, make sure they’ve had a good meal. If they fill up on real food, they’re less likely to fill up on candy as they make their rounds.

Melanie and her mom had this one down years ago, with their bacon sandwiches on trick or treat night. That's what I'm talking about. Now, plotting how to get invited to her house next Halloween.

And then, AND THEN! Someone replies to this whole message: you know you can compost your leftover Halloween candy. You just have to take the wrappers off first.

There would be some seriously happy raccoons in my neighborhood if this happened. IF. Like a pile of unwrapped Halloween candy would make it from my house to the yard waste container. Maybe the Nestle Crunch and any candy involving coconut would make it. Otherwise, good luck.

Seriously, my hats are off to the wellness teams of the world. Thank you, for real, for the reminder that it is okay to throw away Halloween candy. And may you be blessed with granola bars and raisin boxes every Halloween until you are 150. And dollar store toys.

To blo or not to blo?

So I'm sitting here thinking, well I can't do NaBloPoMo this year, because it's TEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT on November 1 and I have to go to bed. There, it's a Sign. But then I look at, oh, every other clock and realize it's only NINE, that I forgot to change that one silly clock what with the daylight savings thing and all.

So maybe it's actually a sign that I AM supposed to do the blo after all. I don't know. I put on Facebook that I'm wondering if I should do it or not, and several folks weighed in.

Pat, a friend from high school, who I dare say I had a little CRUSH on there for a bit (so tall! so funny!), simply said, Do you have that much to say? Wise man, that Pat. I'm still thinking on that one, and the answer is, likely, no.

And Heidi, the best ever, said, Do you need an Idea? I think you should write about those silly work bathroom stall pointers like "If you dribble, wipe it up!" or "paper goes in the toilet not around or on!" Really?? What am I, 3?

Now this is an interesting one. Because, Heidi? I've never seen a sign like this in my life. WHAT OFFICE DO YOU WORK IN? Are there seriously signs about dribbling??? I think I need to fly to your office forthwith with my camera and take a photo. I've led a sheltered life, seriously.

Not that I am a stranger to dribbling itself. What patron of a public restroom is? In fact, the only dribbling story I have doesn't actually even belong to me. Back when I had like a real job, we worked with a PR firm who did stuff for us and every so often there were drunken nights out and such, you know, for business, and the topic of sitting versus squatting came up. One PR woman, she was gifted at her job, she told us about her idea for an anti-dribbling campaign called SIT GIRL! The idea was that if everyone sat, no one would need to squat, and there would be no dribbles and everyone is safer and happier.

She had it all planned out. Posters in the stalls with catchy signs saying, SIT, GIRL! Stickers! Postcards! Education! I adored it. And I don't even remember her name anymore but so help me every time I am in a public restroom I think of that woman and her SIT, GIRL! genius.